![]() ![]() ![]() These traditions and values span social class: The high level of educational and professional achievement in Indian immigrant populations can disguise how deeply traditional they are in their personal lives. More than 87 percent of Indian Americans are foreign-born, and ties to relatives and communities back home mean customs like arranged marriage and the shame of divorce continue to be enforced across oceans and through generations. Though it’s not clear exactly how many such unions exist in the United States, we know that South Asians are part of the fastest-growing racial group here, and about 70 percent of Indian marriages are arranged. The divorce stigma often is most severe in cases of arranged marriage. In some communities, what’s needed is more divorce, not less. So while many are cheering about the falling divorce rates in the United States, this isn’t good news for all. If their families oppose the divorce, they may be left with no place to go and no means of supporting themselves and their children. The divorce taboo has particularly severe consequences for women who have no financial resources of their own. In conservative families, a divorced woman is often viewed as pariah or harbinger of bad luck. Sometimes, they stop receiving invitations to family functions, and when they do attend, they’re made a target of relatives’ shaming. Divorcees often are isolated from their families, an object of mingled pity and disdain. While parents and siblings might show sympathy over an unhappy marriage, divorce is often considered beyond the pale. Husbands and wives are forced by social pressure originating 8,000 miles away to stay in emotionally unhealthy and abusive relationships. Chitra’s story, and the emotional suffering of other South Asian men and women whom I help as a counselor, show why those numbers are so concerning. ![]()
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